So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize