this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
