I could have mohawked her pubes.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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