I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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