i just made my gag reflex go away.
she peed on how many people?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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