Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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