Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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