I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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