he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
