it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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