the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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