can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
