We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
How's work?
Spinning.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
