Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
