Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
