I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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