Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
