hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Mom said you looked used
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
