Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
