it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
