just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
