why didn't you poke me back
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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