Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
