have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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