I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
