Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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