Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I'm jealous of your bromance
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
