My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
