She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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