He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
