I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
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