they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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