my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
