just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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