I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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