tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
