I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize