I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
