Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
