we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
