I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
