We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
