its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
