he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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