Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
