sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
two words...techno handjob
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
