I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
