Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
