HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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