He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
