fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
