if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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