i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
