All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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