You can't special order awesome
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
