imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
