uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
