ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
