Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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