at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
