smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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