I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
