Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
