You're earring is so big in my mouth
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize