i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
