WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
