Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
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