Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
