i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
