my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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